Aapov (alexisdevlin) wrote,

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the test of life

Some asstard broke into my car last night and stole my beautiful $1,600 Yamaha M08 piano. At first you can imagine I wasn't pleased, but right now I couldn't be happier. I feel like some sort of freak human with magic powers, but it is more simple than that. It's about affirming life through consciousness and not letting external events become more important than your self.

THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS: recognizing the power we have in ourselves to transform experience through affirmation.

Today reminded me how true and important this is. When it happened I thought, "How unfair and stupid. Why should I give a fuck about that guy?" But that feeling was rejected by my digestion the moment it came up. Instead I realized something else. I thought of the poor degenerate who stole my piano for his self-gratification and wondered, "Am I so different? Is my quest, my experience so much more important than his?" And for a brief second I was pleased because I knew somewhere his happiness in stealing my shit and my happiness over his joy made the entire situation affirmed.

I felt some level of appreciation outside of my ego, outside of my personal experience, and into the realm of all experience -- where his perception, my perception, and your perception all reside. Each of us are connected subtly beyond our notice, because we each experience different bodies -- but our consciousness is not so different, experiencing the same fields we value in ourselves. I found my personal bias for those fields of consciousness extended beyond my own experience, and created a love within me, a joy, that stems from other, all other, experience.

If my stolen piano situation were to affect me then it would be stronger than I am, and more important to my consciousness -- but I make it important -- without my reason or 'self' to 'know' or even experience this situation there would be no care or affect in the first place, so in a sense, I, by the mere fact of my existence, am making this important... and why? When put to the choice which is actually more important -- me or the piano? Obviously it is ridiculous to let that situation harm me. It's ridiculous for any situation for that matter!

Even in loss, in sadness, in being wounded by human weakness I felt extreme waves of negative emotion that I not only appreciated having, but overcame each moment to create a sublime strengthening emotion that felt like joy, power, or energy. The negative was fuel to the fire, so to speak. I couldn't help but laugh in the end and calmly try to work things out.

So I lost $2,100 and wasted time and energy working for it -- that may be so, but at least I'm still alive to experience existence. And if that be the case, should I cloud my consciousness by becoming my sadness, anger, or attachment to material things? It is the nature of the universe for things to come and pass, and all things -- from our deepest relationships to the stolen piano -- will one day end; family and friends die, things break down, and everything has its time. The only thing we have with us to our very end is ourselves. We are not alone because we always have ourselves.

What is within us is the only real thing we have that can never be taken, never be lost, and joins us in death. In a way, we are our own partners through our existence, our own best friends, our closest relationship, the source of our love. So should I value this material thing, this "terrible situation" more than myself, and harm myself by becoming my negativity? No! I shall not be compromised over such trivial matters! Seriously! It's not worth it -- the worth of any of the material things we buy, or even the time and energy we spend to get these things, is only of value because existence, living, our experience is valuable. What is the point to life? Is it your money, or the things you buy with it? Is it making the time you spend working actually pay off in some way? Are you really that justice-oriented? Surely all these things matter less than your experience, and in fact, they only matter for your experience. All these things are entirely related to and for us anyway -- without us, it should be worried! But us without it? Who cares, I say!

In the big picture we're all just entertaining ourselves that things outside ourselves matter. We do it to enhance our own pleasure out of life, and that's beautiful -- but we shouldn't let our own paradise get to us. We should never compromise ourselves and let the things we love, the things we buy, or the things that happen to us own us, control us, or bring us down. We value our enjoyment, so let's enjoy ourselves already and stop being so attached to what comes to be and passes away! It's the moment, the experiences that matter! It's you!
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