Philosophical musings and life happenings

Oh, wow

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 06:49:50 GMT

This is funny. My old journal. It's been such a long time... what the hell happened?
I've changed. It feels like I've lived several different lives already, with different selves
completely unrecognizable to the others.

What a beautiful, naive, optimistic, loving fool I was. In the best of ways. I love my old
self. I'm just more hardened now. I get it. Life. It's hard. And it hardens you.

To be or not to be: In reality or fantasy. In reflection or action. <-- That may seem random,
but hang on, I'm getting there. My greatest epiphanies always happen in the middle of a
conversation with a good friend. That's when I feel most passionate.

I need people. Friends. Someone to care about what I'm talking about in order for me to
go there and really care myself what I'm talking about.

Not that I don't care about my thoughts, but it takes that extra motivation or feedback loop
or whatever to get me excited enough to start talking about my views, which then, as I
speak, actually develops them. Maybe I don't talk to myself enough.

Great idea I had the other day in conversation: We have two vastly different natures. That
of reflection (thinking, the infinite world of thought) and reality (singular, active, in the
moment, determined by the events on the ground).

We like to think we are "reflective" creatures of deep thought, but the truth is, most of the
time we are not. We are in the moment. We are active creatures attached to specific tasks
or whatever we are doing.

This is not a bad thing. We're just like that. That's us. We are in the moment (not deep)
most of the time, then a smaller percentage of the time, we dive into the unlimited depths
of thought and reflection.

Whether we like it or not, we are being active probably 80% of the time. During this time,
we often get distracted by trying to "think" about what we are "doing." But really, we are
just doing, and those little breaks into the deep end do us no good. It's called being
unproductive.

Reflection, deep thinking, this is a luxury. We don't need it all the time. We really only
need it to plan out events, or decide, "What am I going to do next?"

My idea was to make at least 51% of my actions productive every day. To stop thinking
so much and just dedicate myself (at least 51% of the time) to following a plan. To
accepting my in-the-moment nature, my lack of depth, and just be a worker bee.

Which is more important, our active or reflective self? Both are important, but we are
more active than reflective. Reflection only NEEDS 20% of the day, so if you think in
terms of quantity over quality, our active self is more important to focus on. We need
to embrace this self most of the time.

The luxury of thought comes later. At the end of the day, when things are winding down,
perhaps at sunset, I reflect on my actions and how they connect to my overall plan.

Every night when I lay down to sleep I think first, "What am I going to do tomorrow, and
for the rest of my life?" Every. Single. Day. Over time this evolves, my plan becomes more
real. But I don't spend 80% of my day on this. Just maybe 20%. I formulate less, apply more.

80% of the day is dedicated to being in the moment, attached to reality -- not the
hypothetical reality of mind.

That's it for great idea of the day from conversations with friends.

Sitting Still

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 07:30:12 GMT

We are never truly ourselves until we are at pause. Deep within self-reflection, we put ourselves together. I searched outside myself for knowledge about life, about self, but in the end I realized I never needed to look outside. All life lessons are taught by reflection on nature. Reflection on our nature provides insights into it, as does reflection on everything. To guide ourselves by applying our minds to the universe and our lives instead of things outside ourselves. Everything we need to know, we already know.

I used to strive and think we needed more crazy experiences or life-changing ideas. But the truth is, we have everything to begin with. We need less crazy experience, more stability and time to contemplate. Everyday experience trumps even this higher level contemplation. What is the point of any philosophy or belief when it is not connected with real life? The basic laws of life are already understood by the spiritually evolved, the ones who have been taught by their being, harmonizing themselves within, and in fact this is more important. Things like family, love, not killing, extending your joy and respect in yourself to all others are understood completely when personally taught by life. Just sitting, reflecting, and appreciating what is in front of us teaches so much.

Life moves incredibly fast and we must work on a higher level understanding than the moment to survive. Interacting with reality teaches us how intelligent we need to be to participate in this universe. Life is a constant interaction of forces, and to understand their nature, to predict their interaction, to work with instead of against, this is what life naturally teaches us. Reality is the best teacher of all, and we can learn from it just by reflection on our own being and the nature of the universe. The experiences life gives us are gifts, lessons, reality, and the whole point all in one.

A little entry to my journal about myself

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 09:25:17 GMT

Hello my live (well, dead) journal! Such time has passed since I truly gave this journal a shot at my true thoughts. Today is a good day to try. (that's no Star Trek reference =\)

I have been cheating, using another journal to document my thoughts on life. It felt better to start new; too many ghosts in this journal. It represents a different, younger part of my life and self. I do find it amazing now to look back and analyze where I was to where I am now. Oh the growing pains!

It is surprising how much has been packed into the past two years. The experience has been the most intense and amazing, educational and changing. Time through life has hardened and softened my values and understanding of who I am. It feels good to know what you’re about, and to have a faith in where you will go. It brings an inner peace that is seen in my reflection, it does not even need to be explained; my troubles of the past just melt into laughter at my second glance into them.

It is funny how often I get moments that completely change me these days. In a single week I may look back multiple times and comment how much different I feel because of some new thought, new experience, or new goal. It is an inner change; a depth growing inside that keeps re-understanding and re-defining, moving one step up each time.

And I needn’t lose any of my previous self to move forward – subtraction and division are not often my tools – addition and multiplication are my loves. I stay who I am with a new added awareness, simply growing, multiplying, and taking things to and beyond their limits. I do enjoy being a personal limit-breaker, if my passion so desires to be expressed beyond its current state.

So, my conclusion thus far is life is good. Oh so good! And how blessed I have been to know whom I have, to have met all of you. I certainly love the effect each person plays in my life on this Earth, and appreciate every moment I have left. When at pause, when inside myself, the world is so beautiful. It’s still funny to get caught up in the emotional drama that perpetuates the world, the steam that moves this hunky engine of humanity forward. It’s mad, this world, but I love it too. Maybe I’m mad!

I will end it here, but perhaps another day when I feel like reflecting, I will peer into the journey of my past, this crazy mountain I climbed some time ago. The view is beautiful from up top, the breeze is amazing, and yes… the lemons are free.

the test of life

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 00:40:22 GMT

Some asstard broke into my car last night and stole my beautiful $1,600 Yamaha M08 piano. At first you can imagine I wasn't pleased, but right now I couldn't be happier. I feel like some sort of freak human with magic powers, but it is more simple than that. It's about affirming life through consciousness and not letting external events become more important than your self.

THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS: recognizing the power we have in ourselves to transform experience through affirmation.

Today reminded me how true and important this is. When it happened I thought, "How unfair and stupid. Why should I give a fuck about that guy?" But that feeling was rejected by my digestion the moment it came up. Instead I realized something else. I thought of the poor degenerate who stole my piano for his self-gratification and wondered, "Am I so different? Is my quest, my experience so much more important than his?" And for a brief second I was pleased because I knew somewhere his happiness in stealing my shit and my happiness over his joy made the entire situation affirmed.

I felt some level of appreciation outside of my ego, outside of my personal experience, and into the realm of all experience -- where his perception, my perception, and your perception all reside. Each of us are connected subtly beyond our notice, because we each experience different bodies -- but our consciousness is not so different, experiencing the same fields we value in ourselves. I found my personal bias for those fields of consciousness extended beyond my own experience, and created a love within me, a joy, that stems from other, all other, experience.

If my stolen piano situation were to affect me then it would be stronger than I am, and more important to my consciousness -- but I make it important -- without my reason or 'self' to 'know' or even experience this situation there would be no care or affect in the first place, so in a sense, I, by the mere fact of my existence, am making this important... and why? When put to the choice which is actually more important -- me or the piano? Obviously it is ridiculous to let that situation harm me. It's ridiculous for any situation for that matter!

Even in loss, in sadness, in being wounded by human weakness I felt extreme waves of negative emotion that I not only appreciated having, but overcame each moment to create a sublime strengthening emotion that felt like joy, power, or energy. The negative was fuel to the fire, so to speak. I couldn't help but laugh in the end and calmly try to work things out.

So I lost $2,100 and wasted time and energy working for it -- that may be so, but at least I'm still alive to experience existence. And if that be the case, should I cloud my consciousness by becoming my sadness, anger, or attachment to material things? It is the nature of the universe for things to come and pass, and all things -- from our deepest relationships to the stolen piano -- will one day end; family and friends die, things break down, and everything has its time. The only thing we have with us to our very end is ourselves. We are not alone because we always have ourselves.

What is within us is the only real thing we have that can never be taken, never be lost, and joins us in death. In a way, we are our own partners through our existence, our own best friends, our closest relationship, the source of our love. So should I value this material thing, this "terrible situation" more than myself, and harm myself by becoming my negativity? No! I shall not be compromised over such trivial matters! Seriously! It's not worth it -- the worth of any of the material things we buy, or even the time and energy we spend to get these things, is only of value because existence, living, our experience is valuable. What is the point to life? Is it your money, or the things you buy with it? Is it making the time you spend working actually pay off in some way? Are you really that justice-oriented? Surely all these things matter less than your experience, and in fact, they only matter for your experience. All these things are entirely related to and for us anyway -- without us, it should be worried! But us without it? Who cares, I say!

In the big picture we're all just entertaining ourselves that things outside ourselves matter. We do it to enhance our own pleasure out of life, and that's beautiful -- but we shouldn't let our own paradise get to us. We should never compromise ourselves and let the things we love, the things we buy, or the things that happen to us own us, control us, or bring us down. We value our enjoyment, so let's enjoy ourselves already and stop being so attached to what comes to be and passes away! It's the moment, the experiences that matter! It's you!

Moving on

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 05:42:32 GMT

I'm happy to get rid of the past. We grow new layers beneath, not over, what we were and shed our past instead of covering it up. If you harbor it in and say, "See, the past is me, and must be you too!" you are confused. All that indicates is you haven't shed old layers, even if you've grown into a new one. Which is just nasty, if you want to get visual about it.

In any one moment you are what you are. If that includes regret, drama, or whatever negative emotion you have towards the past, then you in that moment are currently defining yourself by the negatives in the past. The keyword there is you -- you are doing that. The past isn't still happening -- it moved on long ago, but you still harbor the negativity from it?

We can shed the drama of worrying about or regretting the past, and still retain the positive information and feeling from it. In some ways, we need to recognize the past, for it is of value to our future -- what we have learned, etc -- but the emotional baggage associated with the past? All that needs to be shed, it's an echo of a moment long since passed, and not even worth your present contemplation.

If you can get over yourself and transform what you think about the past, you'll probably be better off in the now, and more prepared to meet similar situations in the future. But what is now is of far greater importance and we should recognize the affect our thoughts and emotions regarding the past have in creating how we feel, think, and perceive now. Does it cloud your vision of life being awesome, and you being happy? Scrap it. Does it promote and remind you of how great you are and awesome life is? Keep it!

But stop whining about or living in the past, you general group of people who do that! No matter how great or terrible it was, it's gone, and what's important is the moment now.

.. enter the mind of aaron for 2 seconds ..

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 22:59:23 GMT

Life is awesome, I don't care what anyone says. If you think otherwise, you're delusional. And you might see ME as the delusional one, drunk with joy and love. Well, fuck you! haha. I just have to ask, do you ever feel clarity when in a shitty depressive mood? When you think that life sucks? If you do, seek help. Clarity, for me, only happens in feelings that overcome fear, love life, and feel strongly good. When I have those Ah-ha moments or satisfying sighs of good, the point is clear: life is awesome. Overall, yes > no. But why am I convincing you to the good side? I don't even believe in the good side! I'm more of a dark good side person myself, but that's just me. I like the dark and the light, and I'll tolerate gray to a point. Heh. I have no idea what I'm on about. I just felt like typing, haha..

One to remember.

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 10:48:18 GMT

halloumi cheese, al qaeda, amazing birds, little britain, aaron, yes?, earthquake drills, endless smiles, youtube, music, voicing, phones, sunsets, stars, hilariousness. Ah, my god. That... was refreshing. Haha, these icons.. I feel like a dinosaur with a hoodie! wha? that makes sense. Most things from the past that I didn't care about never came around twice, but the deepest moments I've felt from my past have. Today was exceptional. I feel more than satisfied, I feel like I felt something I hadn't felt in ages. Wow, I love today. haha. I'll try to remember my dream tonight and write it down tomorrow.

Eye of the I quotes

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 19:25:07 GMT

A few helpful and interesting quotes I read today from David Hawkins book Eye of the I.

"The capricious and carnival-like nature of the mind's activities precludes it as a fruitful focus for spiritual evolution. One can order the mind to do one thing or another, but it will refuse. To try to control the mind is like a cat chasing its tail. To try to control the mind already results in the duality of the 'controller' and the 'controlled', as well as the contents of what is to be controlled and the 'how' of controlling.

The only space from which to address mind is from that quality called Will. One can locate this area without too much difficulty. Whereas thoughts, feelings, and images pass through the mind continuously, the will is relatively motionless and fixed. It tends to persists in a more stable and therefore approachable manner. The will can indeed by quite fixed, committed, one-pointed and immovable, unlike the mind, which flits about like a nervous butterfly. Therefore, the most profitable point of view from which to approach the mind is afforded by focusing the sense of Self as emanating from the will. The will is malleable, but only slowly and deliberately so by reflection. It is a workable 'place' from which to proceed and explore. The will is closer to the true Self than is ordinary mind with its thoughts, beliefs, concepts, ideas, and fluctuating emotions." (p 132-3, The Eye Of The I by David R. Hawkins)

"The ego can be thought of as a set of entrenched habits of thought which are the result of entrainment by invisible energy fields that dominate consciousness. They become reinforced by repetition and by the consensus of society. Further reinforcement comes from language itself. To think in language is a form of self-programming. The use of the prefix 'I' as the subject, and therefore the implied cause of all actions, is the most serious error and automatically creates a duality of subject and object." (p. 137)

"Physical appearance is a great deceiver. Most people look like adults but are not really adults at all. Emotionally, most people are still children. The emotions and attitudes which prevail in kindergarten and on the playground continue on into adult life but are hidden in more dignified-sounding terminology. Within most people is a child who is merely imitating being an adult. The 'inner child' we hear so much about is actually not inner at all; it is actually quite 'outer'.

As people grow up, they take on various identifications and copy what they conceive of as adult behaviors and styles; however, it is not the adult who is doing this but the child. Therefore, what we see in daily life are people acting out the programs and scenarios that they identify with as a child. The young child, as well as most animals, already exhibits curiosity, self-pity, jealousy, envy, competitiveness, temper tantrums, emotional outbursts, resentments, hatreds, rivalries, competition, seeking the limelight and admiration, willfulness, petulance, blaming others, disclaiming responsibility, making others wrong, looking for favor, collecting 'things', showing off, and more. These are all attributes of the child.

As we watch the daily activities of most adults, we realize that nothing has really changed. This realization is helpful for compassionate understanding rather than condemnation. Stubbornness and opposition, which are characteristic of the two-year-old, continue to dominate personalities well into old age. Occasionally, people also manage to go from childhood to adolescence in their personality and become endless thrill seekers and challengers of fate; they are preoccupied with the body, muscles, flirtation, popularity, and romantic and sexual conquests. There is a tendency to become cute, coy, seductive, glamorous, heroic, tragic, theatrical, dramatic, and histrionic. Again, this is the child's impression of adolescence being acted out. The inner child is naive and impressionable, easily programmed, and easily seduced and manipulated." (p. 140-1)

"Willingness

This is the keystone to all spiritual progress as well as success in the world. It means letting go of resistance and finding the joy of going one hundred and one percept. Unpleasantness is due to resistance, and when resistance is let go, it is replaced by feelings of strength, confidence, and joy.

In any endeavor, there is a point of resistance which becomes a block. When this point is overcome, the endeavor becomes effortless." (p. 144)

"Nonattachment

This is an attitude of withdrawal of emotional entanglement in worldly affairs. It leads to serenity and peace of mind...

... Nonattachment is not the same as indifference, withdrawal, or detachment. Misunderstanding that the development of detachment is required often ends up as flatness or apathy. In contrast, nonattachment allows full participation in life without trying to control outcomes." (p. 145)

"Q: But what about morality? Doesn't letting go of right and wrong and judgment of others lead to immorality?

A: Denotations of right and wrong are practical guides to behavior to people who are not yet spiritually evolved. They are a temporary substitute for a greater awareness. Thus, we teach the child that it is 'bad' to cross the street alone because they lack the awareness of danger. By adulthood, such a contextualization as right or wrong about crossing the street is no longer meaningful or significant. We look both ways before crossing the street to avoid being run over, not because it is wrong or bad. With spiritual progress, ethical values replace moralistic dictums, just as awareness of spiritual truth replaces dogma and coercive belief systems. Behaviors that have to be outlawed to suppress their occurrence in the general population have lost any meaning to people who are far more advanced." (p. 167-8)

self-talk

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 23:57:38 GMT

Concise Self-Talk

Perfect Motivation - It's as if love is the non-resistant way to change or manipulate something in a way that is always happy and better.

Beautiful Unknown - It's almost as if the more you know, the more you realize what you don't know, and when you reach a certain point, the unknown is so infinite and beautiful that it is unimportant to know everything, but ever-interesting to know everything you can.

Meaning? Wtf, I Am Meaning - All things that happen, if not meaningful, are still necessary. But even if they're not meaningful, we make them so. If anyone else, God, nature, or the universe wants to give us meaning too, that's nice, but isn't what I rely my meaning on.

You think too much. Over-analyzing context, under-appreciating value.

Love isn't as destructive as you think. You were as destructive as you believe.

Friendships are the most personal impersonal relationships you have.

Life will seem only as forgiving and accepting as you are.

Depth is tragic.
A perspective holds as much value as it has depth of appreciation.
Tragedy is the price we pay for value.

When religion appreciates value, it has value.

Sometimes emotions do not have meaningful reasons. But we can always create reasons for them - emotions create their reasons by influencing reason.

Most importantly, ice cream is pretty good, but otter pops are way better.

Melissa is someone you should catch up with!

Brigid ran away on her horse and while you can see her silhouette in the distance, let the sun set and sleep it over. Oh, you have? Then wake up and appreciate the new day. You have? Well, do it more. APPRECIATE MORE SUN!

The secrets to life, what a funny concept. Everything is a secret before we find it out. What makes secrets is they're hard to find. The key to perfect life happiness, is that hard to find? Is it hard to be inspired? Yes, it is. Life is good, but life is also terrible! I can hardly grasp the suffering we have without a crippling feeling for mankind. In that same sense, the absolute strength and power of our joy, our love -- it seems even all the suffering melts away into this, even if in appearances we see otherwise.

Good movie

Tue, 29 May 2007 05:50:33 GMT

“The present is gone. Fantasy is a part of reality when you take the brakes off. We’re thinking clearly yet not thinking at all.. and this feels right. We stop trying to control things.. warm rush of chemicals through us.. we’re fluctuating. Is this brain damage?

We forget all the pain and the hurt in life.. we wanna go somewhere else… we’re not threatened by people anymore.. all our insecurities have evaporated.

We’re in the clouds now. We’re wide open. We’re spacemen, orbiting the Earth. Heh, yeah, the world looks beautiful from here man. We’re nympholeptics, desiring for the unobtainable.. we risk sanity for moments of temporary enlightenment.

So many ideas, so little memory.. the last thought killed by anticipation of the next. We embrace an overwhelming feeling of love. We flow in unison. We’re together. I wish this was real. We want a Universal level of togetherness where we’re comfortable with everyone. We’re in rhythm. A part of a movement.. a movement to escape. We wave, good-bye. Ultimately, we just want to be happy.. heh, yeah. Wait hang on.. what the fuck was I just talking about? Ahaha..”

-Human Traffic

Ecrasez I'infame

Wed, 16 May 2007 17:27:11 GMT

"Jesus wept, and Voltaire smiled; and it is from this divine tear and this human smile that the glory of modern civilization is compounded."
-- Victor Hugo

just vomit away your problems, hah

Tue, 01 May 2007 17:17:10 GMT

I had a really weird moment yesterday.

I was contemplating things and in a bad mood in general, chewing over old terrible times. You know, not exactly the best thing to do, but I had a certain emotional rock that was sitting in my digestion for a while. On this particular day that rock was hitting me harder. I was ANGRY, even! Which is bizarre. That's the first time in at least five months I've felt such a feeling for so long. How taxing!

After sitting for a few minutes I left the roof garden I was contemplating at and walked through this outdoor mall downtown. At this point, all my negativity made me utterly sick. I was sick of being sick with it. This must have compounded my negativity, or transformed my feeling in some way. I was hit with a huge and sudden nauseous impulse. My body (perhaps influenced by my mind) completely rejected this negativity I was willing on myself.

I could hardly walk it was so dehibilitating. I started to sweat, and got really cold. I stumbled over to the bathroom, which was up a flight of stairs, and just collapsed and threw up in their toilet for a few minutes. It was one of those completely gut-wrenching times. I couldn't even believe it! I wasn't even sick, or anything like that. I hadn't even eaten anything (it was mid-morning).

Afterwards, I felt completely fine. My blood temperature became normal after a few minutes and my head returned to normal :P In fact, better. There was this voice inside my head (no I'm not crazy, it was my voice!) telling me, rather dictating to me how I am, and what's what. Among "what was what" was a deep forgiveness and understanding. An 'awareness' that seems so obvious, but I had been clouding myself from. It just wiped away the clouds covering itself, and now it's so clear it hurts!

I think I threw up my rock and took a huge breath of fresh air. And it feels great.

P(m)S: Deceptive Friends = Weak Bitch Natures

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 17:12:14 GMT

What is a P(m)S, you ask?

Girls PMS and I P(m)S. While us males don't have vag's to complain about, life is never short of complications. Sometimes I have periods. Periods of discontentment, of anger, of frustration! I build up this tension and release it all at once, if I can. Sometimes I have to hold my tongue. But who says I should hold my thoughts online? And so I started P(m)S'ing when I felt it was necessary. Almost always I don't feel exactly as I write in P(m)S rants, usually it just expresses one short-sighted aspect of anger, but bluntly attacks creating really good points. That's the nature of bitching. And so, this is one I wrote at the end of April. I just reread it and laughed, so I want a copy of it here.

Basically, people are fucking rude. They pretend to be your friend for some time, without ever telling you what they really think. On possible hope of liking you one day and their own selfish nature to use others to get what petty, pathetic enjoyment they can, these fucking immoral (and hypocritical) morons hurt and affect others without the slightest tact. No matter how much people like this parade around like God's blessed child (oh, and they fucking do) they are deceptive, weak natured assholes. I'm glad NOT to be their friend -- but fuck you for wasting my time!

I love when they use the argument, "Well, I didn't want to hurt them, and just wasn't sure... blah blah blah," as if you being "unsure" is grounds to lie and sugar-coat a friendship, building up real relationships, real feeling between someone, for someone, but out of deception on your end! Fucking bitch. Furthermore, if this bitch were to tell other friends this situation but leave the only one who SHOULD know in the dark? AAAAAAAAAAAJGKEDSJsjlkj. I just don't understand. Am I just a fucking nice guy? A really nice guy? And most people are just selfish bitch assholes who don't fucking get life in the slightest? Nah, because I'm not nice. I'm not the nicest person you'll ever meet, I'm just not a fucking asshole. Nice people are often assholes, if niceness beats being honest, if niceness beats everything in any situation. All that signifies to me is a weak nature, too weak even to sacrafice niceness for the good of others. Being nice is their selfish way to not cause problems for themself! But fuck others, right?

Fuck that. Sometimes you can't be "nice". Sometimes you have to say what's fucking what and be straight up with who you are to people. Especially in friendships. We need to think in terms of the future when we make our actions, not be digustingly weak willed and try to make things what they're not: for instance, nice.

Most of these types of people are the most arrogant mother fuckers, too. There's hardly anything I can do about it, they probably don't get it and won't ever. And to top it off, they're "modest" because that's how full of themselves they are. Let's parade around morality and acceptance like I'm a better person - fuck that, you stupid power tripping, desire slaved idiot. I can't stand people who hold up friendships on false, deceptive, or weak-natured hopes and hide thoughts about others even while sharing them to friends of that person!

This has happened in my life, especially in Love. God, I can't stand that. It hurts, you know. Fucking assholes. I'm done PmS'ing. I feel better now. This thought has a lot of tension behind it, because there were many (still are) people that I truly cared about that have left for naught, with hardly an explanation -- too afraid, too nice, too weak perhaps? -- and it hurt. When I found out other things about the situation, it pissed me off. Anger is my response to this tension because it should be. What a huge waste of my time and emotions, and theirs!

I have few friends that have ever truly meant something to me, because I choose wisely, with what I like, with who I choose to surround myself with and get to know. In this way, maybe others are different and I'm unfair to expect them to be serious. But it's not like I'm serious right off the bat. These things take time, and I never go forward unless I feel it's mutual - in other words - unless I'm decieved.

To Whom The World Has Become Estranged:

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 19:54:23 GMT

It bubbles inside of you like lava. It moves great continents and vast seas. It has its own center of gravity and atmosphere. It is an entire world, and it is always changing – this is your psyche. It is you. What bubbles inside of you? You bubble inside of you! And what are you? An entire world – you have many climates, many species, much life on your world! Who are your children, what is your climate? Emotions are your climate, and your children are your thoughts. Experiences and the external world – this is the Other, the Beyond! The stars, and the infinitely large realm of space – how big it is in relation! This is your beautiful unknown; your humbling possibilities.

Oh how your world is inhospitable, even to yourself! What sun may light your surface? Are you a hollow moon? Does life flourish? Or is your planet barren, your children starving; do you allow meteors to crash, men to exploit, life to destroy? Imagine a sunlight that heals all wounds, starlight that inspires within. If this were your blood would you not be a star a planet so envies? We limit ourselves to preordained orbits around suns we never choose. Seek your own star, your own orbit, and fuck it, change constantly! Be an adventurer of the stars! A planet hopping planet! Yes, we can be that ridiculous!

We, of all things interstellar and incomprehensible, are not limited by laws – except this one – what laws!?

Mountains and Ants

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 16:51:18 GMT

Conscious Mountain: The Will- I am a becoming. You become through me. In secret, I provide you with protection and purpose. Yet unaware of my existence, because I out-exist you -- unaware of my influence because you bounce off me. I am the conscious mountain beneath, through, and in fierce opposition to all that I am not. One day I will as a mountain reflect your views.

===

Ladies and gentleman, Lend me your ears! (Cue scene from Robin Hood Men in Tights) But honestly, those ears are the only ears I get these days. One's thrown at me. It seems such ears are only good for throwing! Hello ants! If only you had the capacity to listen! I stand in fierce opposition from a mountain top. Opposition to what? Is it good enough that I stand atop a mountain with an opposition? Who can even say this? What stands as my peer, my advocate? Who is even worthy as an adversary? I need adversaries, competition, equals and more; I see no hatred or contempt in enemies, in my strict opposition (in thought and action), for it stimulates my becoming. I am a superhero, and I miss my villain; or at least have grown bored of him! My villain is inanimate, useless, a mere joke. This is not my villain, this is the waste that comes from my production; a steam engine leaves a trail of confusing smoke in its wake. Then who is my adversary, my worthy adversary?

To stand on a mountain with an eternal opposition is to merely have a solid foundation of values and perspectives that realize themselves, even as they evolve – they are difference, they are self-created, and they are active forces that contain within them my deepest power, my innermost spirituality of feeling is expressed and has life. This is just what I am. I am one of few living animals walking in a sea of dead leaves, broken twigs, and even worse, inbred twigs and leaves! (And you thought leaves couldn't get any worse, didn't you.)

Looking out, I watch as others avalanche their thought processes by building on the sides of unstable mountains, or even in the deepest caves and emptiest valleys. All this watching makes me deeply sympathetic, to the point of love – but now it is not love without joy; humor as the Gods call it; as Gods have a charmed smile, a silent joy (their laughter) over man, I feel charmingly amused over others, not in malice, not because they are stupid, nor because I am better, but because they are themselves, necessarily themselves; it is truly something to be revered and laughed at!

I reach out and find nothing, so I reach inward and create my own. This has been my experience – the outer world has driven me inward, but I suppose necessarily it has done this. In going inward I stopped negating – I realized reaching out is always a negation, for it is always a repetition of the same and goes through two processes (your reaction, then creation); no difference, nothing new is being created, you look for things in terms of reactions; to go inward and stop negating, that was the true transformation; one must pull from affirmation, from something new to feel any life or passion at all.

The world is spread out in two great axes consisting of power and force. All we see – phenomena, things, organisms, societies, consciousness – are signs or symptoms of different forces acting and reacting upon each other. This dance between forces is going on even in our psychology, no, especially in our psychology! The thing is, we are our psychology, so we are these reactive and active forces – since forces are always acting on each other, they are not one unified force, but an infinite multiplicity of autonomous forces, their relationships between each other creating new and old forces; active and reactive.

Power exists in terms of affirmation and negation, scope and relation. That which is affirmative in each force is powerful, and this has a scale of exponentially greater power in relation to negation, the less powerful, subjugated aspect of each force; the old, degenerative aspect of life. There is so much to be said on power and force, affirmation and negation. I advise, follow affirmation and figure it out! I caution, one must be an adventurer, explorer, entrepreneur of the spirit to do it!

One final thought to sit on: We are always our own self-reference point. What do you think about that? Do you know what it means? Everything is reflected in you, and in that, you are everything.

The silly problem of suffering on a human level -

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 19:43:54 GMT

At first it's like "Oh shit, oh shit, this is a huge problem we have on our hands!! We can never escape suffering! What is this problem of suffering and how do we deal with it?" And so we whine and suffer, and then suffer a little more. But seeing suffering as suffering is so incomplete a view; suffering as it matters for suffering; so what about that! Suffering – as it is a means to other good things, we shall see this as more important, and in fact INFINITELY more important as the good is so exponentially greater, stronger, and better, and by the very nature of things! We don't even have to change a thing; this is just the way things are you sufferers of suffering! The way things are is for suffering to be beautiful, comical, and useful because of its intimate relationship to its savior: the Good. We need but realize this to feel its implications, to crush suffering and negativity as a cosmic joke in comparison.

Because here's the beautiful thing: Suffering implies its own solution by its very nature; suffering occurs when a nature recognizes (or simply embodies) weakness and inferiority to another stronger nature, and thus it becomes a reactive, weakened, self-negating, self-depreciating force that in its very structure wants to be overcome, dominated, and as I say, turned into good! A weak natures will is to be against itself; it by definition wants to die and be overcome, even crushed by a dominating force, a superior force, which has every quality this weak nature lacks; by being weaker forces they are practically inviting, even creating as a necessary opposite, "the good"; that which is fundamentally against suffering; strong natured, self-creating, self-affirming, and positive; that which WILL necessarily stomp out the weaker nature because of its nature. Things exist in relation to each other, and in relation to negativity and suffering is the very reason for suffering and negativity: the infinitely larger spectrum of good; in fact it's kind of a funny joke: Why does the bad feel so bad? Because it can't be a part of the good! And it's sooooooo jealous! It hates itself for not being good! Haha! Well that's what you get, suffering! Maybe you should stop being so damn sufferable and just be good, then! How can you be good, you ask? Simple! Just succumb to the good of things: commit SUICIDE Mr. Suffering, because you're not necessary, you're a dead-end, a will that wants to die, a will that wants to be replaced; a poor jealous instinct in relation to the good; what a humorous and even petty feeling, this suffering! From this view, "suffering" is simply "recognition before the fall and come to greatness" the fall of itself (as a weak force clinging to life, using any irrational excuse to justify its own dying, degenerative existence) and greatness of its opposite, what it has fallen to: the Good. Once we realize that these self-destructive instincts are not ever "rational" in wanting to preserve their existence, we see any feeling or inclination towards negativity or suffering as a "trick" of faulty logic; it is hypocritical, and it is wrong; by the way, don't feel bad for suffering having such a hard time - GIVE IT A HARD TIME, I'm sure suffering won't mind!

What an enemy to have, this suffering! It is its own worst enemy, it destroys and eliminates itself, and can only yield to good. At any point we feel suffering we are feeling a weak nature dying; that's great! Already our suffering is weary of itself, it already wants to be overcome. With just the slightest introduction of good it's like pinch-hitting Barry Bonds in a T-Ball game between six year olds; it's completely ridiculously, stupidly unfair! Haha, it's what we shall say is not a fair fight; one is predisposed to lose to the other; it's like EVERY fight or encounter between the good and the bad is utterly rigged; to our favor I might add!

I find it deeply funny. It's as if our weak natures bring with them their own cure; weakness, negativity, or suffering is just another way of realizing the good – by where it is missing, by where the "good" dominating, positive flow of energy may triumph over the suffering weak natures, thereby transforming them into what we call beauty, good, or if you want to get all scientificky: self-realized harmonious emotional progression; love!

Suffering is the recognition of a force being overcome by another; so with what are we replacing this suffering? It is very possible for a weak nature to be overcome by a stronger weak nature, thus continuing the cycle of suffering. Of course suffering doesn't remove suffering, nor does it have the power to move beyond or out of itself, so look not to suffering for your salvation!

Often we feel like we ourselves are the degenerative dying force – of course this is a simple misunderstanding, we are simply feeling the expression of this weaker force upon a stronger one; the realization of that stronger replenishing source is what truly ends the suffering, by allowing a negative energy to be absorbed by its counter-good, but this comes after we use suffering's own negativity and self-destruction to bring it to the crushing point: the point where good is empowered as an opposite, uplifting force.

GAH, I mean seriously, just TRY IT! Stack up some negativity and you will see right off the bat, to be suffering indicates everything I've been talking about: this negative urge wants to kill itself; OBLIGE! When vs. the Good see how quickly, how easily and willingly suffering will crumble and fall. Furthermore, the bad is only one aspect in the relationship to… oh right, the Good, the infinitely, goddamn amazing Good, that can, by the way, STAND ON ITS OWN because it was self-created, self-affirmed, gooooooood, good, and good for the sake of good! Good doesn't even require that bad exist for it to be good. Bad is only the recognition of where more good could be – and good can always, infinitely fill in the gaps – because it is infinite, and by definition, always better!

Suffering is a beautiful process of life, really, and it should be seen with reverence and beauty – sometimes utterly tragic beauty, which is all the more beautiful, but all the more intense; intensity is not a bad thing, it just indicates depth: to be deep is to be tragic, too. We must evolve an equally deep and understanding humor and joyousness to handle this ultimate seriousness, this task of accepting such depths of beauty and feeling, to the degree of intensity we call "tragic." With every tragedy (the ultimate potential for loss, really) comes the most beautiful human expression of emotions; tragic wounds deepen our spirituality and strengthen our collective resource for handling other situations, emotions, and people; they are the depth we pull from to face life each day with a fresh, strong, dominating outlook. In other words, our wounds strengthen us, and our suffering is just a means to our fucking amazing, yes, amazing ability to transform the bad weaker natures into their opposites: strong, positive, self-affirming creations that replace all weakness with strength, and all bad with good, and infinite good at that. All suffering is naturally displaced by this AWESOME, beautiful, useful ability to be the bringers of Good. And why? Why are we the bringers of Good, the bringers of Meaning, the gateway from negation into affirmation? Why? You want the truth? It's because we are humans, and we are the shit. J Straight up, no ifs ands ors buts excuses or refunds. Werd, dawg, werd. I wouldn't want it any other way.

A thought that needs to be heard

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 02:22:17 GMT

Star friendship. - We were friends and have become estranged. But this was right, and we do not want to conceal and obscure it from ourselves as if we had reason to feel ashamed. We are two ships each of which has its goal and course; our paths may cross and we may celebrate a feast together, as we did -- and then the good ships rested so quietly in one harbor and one sunshine that it may have looked as if they had reached their goal and as if they had one goal. But then the almighty force of our tasks drove us apart again into different seas and sunny zones, and perhaps we shall never see each other again; perhaps we shall meet again but fail to recognize each other: our exposure to different seas and suns has changed us. That we have to become estranged is the law above us; by the same token we should also become more venerable for each other -- and the memory of our former friendship more sacred. There is probably a tremendous but invisible stellar orbit in which our very different ways and goals may be included as small parts of this path; let us rise up to this thought. But our life is too short and our power of vision too small for us to be more than friends in the sense of this sublime possibility. -- Let us then believe in our star friendship even if we should be compelled to be earth enemies.

Intuition and Motivation

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 21:31:07 GMT

Of Intuition and Motivation

For several months now I have slowly been contemplating reason vs. other motivations, and how perhaps it may be best for reason to take a secondary role in comparison (and in combination) to other methods of evaluation, namely, love, joy, and intuition. It may be reasonable to reason that there are better things to strive for than just reason in life, and thus, in our evaluation of life, and living of life.

This line of questioning began when I came to see that reason is the relationship, the in-between, the non-material; to put it another way, reason is the objective tool we use to connect events, it needs objects, and thus our reason always relies on its context, which are the objects it is reasoning about (the relationship between objects): it doesn’t tell us anything teleological, subjective, or meaningful about the world, it simply connects events and explains them objectively, reasonably; this is the nature of reason! Anything else deeper than the explanatory value of reason is a different category altogether; it is not reason, though reason is within it, perhaps even integral to it.

And what is our context, I ask? Reason is always under influence of our emotions, and even if you take apart and stratify each emotion logically, naming all of its components; of say, fear, desire, love, joy; we can still recognize there is something missing in our reasonable explanation, that is, the actual feeling of fear, desire, love, or joy; psychologically, these emotions exist autonomous of reason, and we can organize these autonomous emotions into different thought-categories, or different types; thus we see different emotions, but truthfully, each emotion is the relationship that feeling and thought-category has to us. If reason leads us to see itself as an enabler to see things or as a tool of reflection, then what is it reflecting and enabling for? Reason to get more reason? Reason as guided by… what? I’m saying reason is always guided our emotions and desires, and thus we must train our emotions and desires to apply to the appropriate objects; objects that have worth we can reasonably see, which may be more than just reason; that which I was saying from the beginning, perhaps using reason in this secondary way to promote love, or joy, or even other emotions that can be useful, though negative, such as our fear, pride, grief, etc, in certain situations.* Reason can be the moderator, in this sense too, to keep each emotion or ideal virtuous, in moderation, which really just describes the most efficient usage of a thing, be it emotions, reason, or otherwise; not to excess, not in shortage.

*(Perhaps reason only takes a secondary role when vs. higher emotions, but a primary role to emotions below… just a little speculation.)

My point is sometimes our immediate reason cannot see while our emotional guidance, our intuition, which takes reason as its secondary motivation, and say, love as its primary, can see what actions are best to take for myself; in terms of what? In terms of my own emotional state of well-being. In fact, we hardly ever consciously reason and evaluate in everyday life. Most of our decisions are made by our intuition. One could say it seems like reason is running in the background, just at a parallel pace, where all different types of thoughts and emotions conjoin at once (our brain actually works like that) and enters into consciousness as if it were willed. But do emotions enter consciousness in the form of certain thoughts and sensations we call emotions? Stripping emotions of their physical sensations, we can truly see what they are; fear, without the sensation, is the immediate aversion to, and rejection of something on the grounds that we are weaker than it, or that we can be harmed by it in some way: we could go further to explain the entire boundary of fear, but you get my point. This can be done with every emotion. Thus, emotions are thoughts, and do enter consciousness in this form; this calls for an evaluation of thoughts from an emotional perspective; what emotion is guiding this action? Is that reasonable? Is that good? Are there features worth wanting, worth promoting by thinking in this way or acting in that?

More often than not, when I fail to listen to my intuition I regret it later; regardless whether or not my situation turns out badly, I simply wish I would have followed my gut; and let’s be clear here, intuition is not some random whim or fleeting urge; intuition is an entire feeling about a situation after having thought about it, and even more so, intuitions often have thoughts tied up with them because it is our “whole-state” (the combination of our emotions, instincts, and reason forming to get a feeling of intuition) that creates and influences thoughts in the first place. Yet sometimes our intuition doesn’t seem to line up with the facts; what is wrong here? Are our intuitions often unreasonable, or do they contain within them a deeper reason, perhaps not concerned with what “conscious reason” is concerned with, but with what we ourselves are concerned with; our emotional well-being, or the well-being of certain desires? What I mean is, sometimes you can follow a completely logical path that you consciously agree with, but still end up worse off, as if you were following the wrong path all along, or at least, this path is less satisfying than other ones; and why? Is it because we have not followed our intuition? Nay, it is a mistake of reasoning to believe so; not everyone should follow their intuition. We must train our emotions and instincts with reason (the combination is our intuition, which is felt fluidly as a whole) to attach to the appropriate objects, one’s worth wanting: such as love. Reason is influenced by our emotions and desires, thus we can’t say whether we are actually following reason, because we never are; we are always following reason for the end of some emotion, desire, or ideal. If one’s intuition is guided by higher instincts, what I call ideals, which are past material, and more into the realm of higher thought (thoughts working against thoughts), that are past the threshold of reason, we should follow them and train our emotions and instincts with reason to attach to these objects we’ve deemed worthy, using reason as our tool to do so.

All this thought kept coming up in different books (Nietzsche) or shows I watch (The Colbert Report), and today I read a quote by Donald Trump that applies:

"Problems arise when our instincts don't seem logical or
consistent with the facts, and we don't know which to trust.
I try to get all the information, examine all the facts, and
then I usually follow my gut."

-Donald Trump

It seems we agree on this point, Mr. Trump. I suppose the next question to ask is how useful is this knowledge? How powerful is it? Should we apply this to our life? And even so, what are we doing now in these respects? To me, it seems rather intuitive to want to follow your gut and intuition, to lead you into, if not somewhere pleasant, at least somewhere new… and since we are beings whose faculty is “rational choice” we must evaluate and reflect on our intuitions, desires, emotions, thoughts, and bring them together: align our emotions and desires with our rational thoughts, and use this to train and hone our instincts, our intuition, to perhaps more reliable (in terms of our joy, or happiness) than our conscious reason. Conscious reason may become secondary to subconscious reason, or better explained as one's "level of consciousness" or emotional view from which your thoughts and emotions are trained to be guided; ultimately, your intuition.

***

Notes:

Is life guided by intuition more fun than reason? More happy? I guess, then, what is intuition but our emotional states from which we desire things, choose things, feel things, are things? Intuition, then, is simply reason mixing with each emotion to give a general feeling or desire that one can follow, without having to think it out, the resulting creation often being meaning or joy. I like not having to think, in fact, thinking too much all the time tends to lead to degeneration, and can't be the ultimate source (of course it can be one source) of well-being, and thus, shouldn't be treated as such.
As time goes on I'm learning more and more that things have their place, and that everything is relevant to its context and content, and especially their relationship between each other: context to context, content to content, content to context. I'm learning that we each have an objective measure by which our capacities (possibilities) are weighed against by every other force, the ultimate being our perfect self, our 10th dimensional understanding, which is not typically seen as a human experience, but a part of us. These capacities work in probability waves that are in constant exchange with all of reality (which works similar waves) that combine (your internal thoughts and actions pushing out, and external events happening to and around you) to form your specific probability matrix, and then your specific probability line. We are constantly travelling across this probability line, but are able to see it in motion, and thus, affect and feel the future pulling us forward, in different, infinite directions. We can choose to elevate ourself, thus rising in our overall probability matrix (say, of all possible Aaron's) closer to our higher self, that self that attaches to the highest ideals, which are constantly expressing themselves in the universe; and why; because the universe is never-ending self-realization, and evolution over itself. The process of self-realization, the very formation of reason, creates these forces that act against each other, and then more specifically, our unique human characteristics (physical capacities, mental capabilities) view them as emotional expressions and see them through reason; the ability to freeze time and reflect on every connection.

***

Needless Suffering and the Value in Negativity

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 22:09:42 GMT

Suffering is as much a mental phenomenon as it is a physical one, and we are quite unstructured in our mental dealings with even our own internal affairs; we suffer from our reactions to emotions, or even other thoughts.

We can shed much of this needless suffering if we align our rational self with nature, and not strictly oppose or eliminate, but rather transform the feelings and thoughts we have against nature, and accept and see them as they are useful thoughts to us; as they are us. Let me explain.

Since every action is necessary to every other action, this makes anything that happened, is happening, or will happen inevitable.

In light of this, we can see how we needlessly suffer everyday by opposing nature.

If something goes against what we expect, wish, or hope for; if something bad happens; we can no more change it than we can change what we had for breakfast yesterday.

Based on this we should reject the rational part of any feeling against nature:

Reject being against what happened, e.g. depressed about the past.
Reject being against what is right now, e.g. lamenting on your current situation
Rejected being against what could be, e.g. scared of the future.

In a certain respect, each of these reactions (the grief or fear over life past, present or future) is a rejection of life, a degeneration of life, and against our "rational nature" we supposed earlier. If what happens is inevitable, opposing it, or catering a negative reaction from it, is not rational; but perhaps these responses are necessary and impossible to oppose; then it is, by the same logic, irrational and degenerative to oppose them as well.

We can thus stratify two levels of experience. Our initial reaction of desires, emotion, and pre-existing thought, and the second reaction to the relationship this creates; thought moves against thought and our consciousness has a rational reaction, perhaps more evolved or matured than the initial response. It makes sense to recognize these two layers of experience, and not take our first one so seriously; that's why humor was invented: by nature we are quite instinctually and emotionally erratic and irrational, and as such our rational nature evolved the cure of laughter, of joy.

Even though our negative emotions seem like contemptible and painful reactions that cause suffering, this is not giving them proper credit. Such reactions are logically and emotionally necessary, to stimulate further thought and growth; however, we must be strong enough to be inoculated with the negativity of this reaction, and also know what to do with it; the process of transfiguring emotions into thought, and into rational thought (and thus back into a higher, transfigured emotion.)

The connection between our intelligence and emotions seems to have shifted; at first we needed emotions to guide our intelligence in ways that would benefit our survival, and now these tyrannical emotions still gnaw at our thoughts, making "thought" an expression of particular emotions in an irrational way, simply guising itself within intelligence, when really the two are autonomous and distinctly separable. We have our rational self on the one hand, and our emotional self on the other. We experience our emotions through our rational self, thus the perception seems foggy in discerning the two; certainly in retrospect, if we studied each angle we could see that reason is the connections between things, and emotions are the actual things. Thought is non-material, emotions are material; they are feelings. Feelings that tend to guide thoughts. We can reasonably take a step back from irrational thoughts that are spurred by irrational feelings, and yet still be okay to feel our emotions, and even use them to discover new areas of exploration, of weakness that can be turned into strength. In this way they become less contemptible to you, and thus, no suffering.

In a very real way, these negative reactions that oppose nature are what make up our creative, autonomous self. One could hardly call autonomy and creativity negative, but divergent from the norm, perverse, eccentric reactions; in a sense, deviations from life (in our consciousness, in our thoughts against nature) are necessarily our individuality, autonomy, creativity, and thus, very obviously, critical to our growth and progression, and valuable to us in so far as we value our self. We need the negative as much as the positive; beautiful flowers grow out of the most foul manure...

---

This is hardly an exhaustive rough account of the nature of suffering, but recently I've focused more on our ability to see and distinguish betweens different types of mental suffering, caused by ourselves and our reactions, and how we can lessen this suffering by changing our perspective, our initial attitude, our thoughts about it, our rational reaction, because our general state of mind and state of feeling affects how we think, to what we think, to how we feel. It seems thought and feeling truly are connected; inseparable and connected, yet autonomous.

A Case: For Vegetarians and Well-Being

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 05:00:24 GMT

"Until we can answer the question as to what matters to people other than experiences, that does not also apply to animals, we cannot reasonably justify our treatment of animals."

The past several weeks I have eaten vegetarian. Around December 22nd or so "I" had a complete revolution. My vegetarian diet was an indirect consequence: I didn't think about it until later, it just happened. I decided to choose what I put in to my body, and that comprised of lots of fresh vegetables. Almost every "meat" I encountered was unhealthy, really. Not to say my intuition is perfect, but it guided me through research and experience, to toss out most processed meats for their content and the nature of their production. It's guided economically, unfortunately for our health and morals.

After a few weeks I started to question our treatment of animals. In Red Dwarf's "Better Than Life" book Lister is about to stab a giant cockroach from the garbage planet for food, but before doing it, stops and says, "I am a reformed species. No more killin'." I thought about that for a second.

Proposition: If we could replace our diets with one that did not kill any animals, why not?

Objections seem to be a) taste: I like the taste and texture of meats, b) it's healthy:the protein I get from meat is a part of good living, c) it's natural: killing other species for food is a natural process, and thus morally acceptable, especially because d) animals have no consciousness of their lives, only instinct and experience, and without consciousness they have no concept of time or wants or desires. With no desires, they are indifferent to whether or not we kill them for food.

However, many of these problems are either inadequate or could be fixed. For instance, what if we could recreate not only taste and texture, but its content of protein? In fact, we could make it even more healthy with the help of science. All it comes down to is the concept of c) killing is natural and d)animals are indifferent. Both of which are inadequate.

Since humans have a higher awareness than animals, it is wrong to justify human behavior with animal behavior. For instance, it is quite normal behavior for female black widows to eat their male counterpart after sex, but in human behavior this action is bizarre and unthinkable. Just because an animal may kill for food, and just because we used to, does not mean that we necessarily should. This is a decision we must make in this day and age of understanding.

Furthermore to say animals don't have feeling is ridiculous. Even animals have a type of memory and range of feeling. For us to judge this, or any life, as insignificant because it does not equal our own is misguided. It lacks respect for experience and life.

Even if we do eat animals, doesn't it follow that if we value our own experiences and life, when we create life (that has feelings and experiences), we should value it enough to give it a pleasant experience? Our treatment is completely negative and even abusive. If animals have any range of feeling or experience of enjoyment, this most certainly is on the lower side. For such higher creatures of consciousness, we treat animals with indifference.

Do animals care? They don't seem to be revolting, because they don't know enough to revolt. Do they know enough to want? The moral dilemma is this: since an animal cannot decide for itself because it doesn't know enough, is it the obligation of the higher creature to decide for it, with what an animal would want? Or, do animals simply not know enough to want: thus, just living is sufficient? If animals don't have wants they would have no response to pleasure-pain. Since they obviously do, animals do want pleasure, and avoid pain, just like humans. In this sense, even if we do eat animals, should their life not be at least pleasant? If that is their only instinctual want, is there experience not important? If animal experience is unimportant, then our experience must be justified as more than just our pleasure aim. If morals stem from reasonably distinguishing what emits positive and creative forces, and life affirming values, we must ultimately reflect this with our actions in reality.

Speaking in human terms: If you could live 1000 years of either agonizing pain, or absolute happiness, but after each scenario lost all memory of those years, does it matter which you would choose? Afterwards, surely it would not matter, but if you could knowingly choose between the two, you would choose happiness obviously. The moment still matters while it happens, regardless of whether or not you know about it. I like ice cream, even though after I eat it, it is gone. Does this concept apply to animals? They would never know, like our situation, but if they did, they would surely prefer a pleasurable life.

In today’s society, it really doesn’t matter. We are surely not ready on the whole to give up our instinctual pleasure that has bonded with meat. Our ancestral background grew up on this meat, so what right do we have against that? Well, our ancestors also violently killed each other over territory, like animal packs with our tribal groups. Have we not evolved beyond this violence? Even if it is a part of our nature, this is to say, if you believe violence is a part of our nature, it is still in our benefit and rational interest, as a higher thinking species to assimilate, or transfigure this instinct into a higher one; in other words, to master it, and not let it master you.

In the end, if our society is ever to evolve into one of action by our affirmative and positive values, arrived at mutually and expressed individually, then at that point, we will have to align our actions of whatever morality, virtues, or appreciations, of love, respect, reverence, or harmonizing we come to with consistency in our actions. Surely, in the end, our instinct to kill and take life away as opposed to promoting it will be replaced. We are not guided by our material, base instincts any longer. A higher instinct: intelligence, has taken hold, which bred the ability to distinguish between positive and negative values evolving through society and communication, with individual breakthroughs in science and philosophy leading one to affirmative, life-positive and promoting values, and are the essence of well-being and robust health, of sparking creativity and true individuality, of happiness, art, religion, and contentment. If this is our goal, our actions must align. After evaluating it, it seems as if this is an untimely view in this age, on the whole. That’s nothing new, for me, and I think any creative soul could at least understand the prospect.

I’ve honestly decided, after today, not to eat meat for some time. I ate Panda Express today because my friend, who I helped get out of a traffic ticket, bought me it for lunch. I ate their Orange Chicken, and even as I ate it, it felt strange going down: all the grease and the meats now unfamiliar texture was almost harsh. I didn’t think about it at the time, but afterwards, I felt nauseous, and while digesting it, threw up because of it. I was just amazed and perplexed. I was either pissed off that my body was unhealthy enough to process meats proteins, or whether whatever in meat is this strong to produce such a repulsive effect from my body, which is actually completely healthy and full of energy! I have my daily protein and eat a healthy diet, so what couldn’t I process with this meat? Perhaps it was the grease, for it was Panda Express, but none-the-less, the meat did not sit well at all, and quite frankly, I would not miss it in the least. I would say I disagree with the mainstream process of most meat, but am not morally vivacious enough to claim immorality on any of it. It is guided economically, and we are selfishly guided by our individualistic claim to human morality as all morality. Even if it is misguided, it is necessarily so at the moment, thus: it matters not in our society, until we individually evolve.

Anyway, this is my experiment, guided by my common sense instinct for respect towards life and my health, which will be reasonably conducted, to attempt a reasonably vegetarian diet, one more healthy, with adequate supplements and protein. I think that change would be for the better, for with better health brings more energy, which is the main ingredient in well-being, action, and satisfaction. After some time of this, I am not disagreeable to eating meat in the end. Simply the process we currently have, for most, nearly 90% of all meat, is against what I think my body would agree with. On another level, my own thoughts on the "morality" is a societal physician revealing a symptom of hypocrisy between thoughts and action, and thus, being and action. Personally, I am not against death, and eating meat as a result. Even cultivating and bringing about life, for the ultimate purpose of continuing our life cycle is a natural process: but life has made it cruel and competitive, to which, we no longer have to be. If life was pleasant, such a life at all would be better than no life, especially if it were pleasant at that! Respect for our food, what a concept! Right now we are too individual, too egocentric, to evolve our awareness beyond our own perception, a move from the material self into the rational self. Our process I disagree under the pretenses of if we were a higher species, but we have yet to grow to that level, so I excuse our ignorance as a condition, a symptom of the times, to which hopefully, our spiritual cure is on the way: spiritual as that which links our mind and perception with everything around us, one of self-realization of ones relationships with others, the universe, and oneself, finally expressing itself in positive actions.

Self Awareness and Enlightenment

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 21:09:46 GMT

A quote I found that describes my feeling towards the Process of Self-Awareness:

"a graduated system of ascending from the lower stages to the higher stages, stage by stage, from material existence to biological existence, from biological existence to psychological existence, from psychological existence to rational existence, from rational existence to spiritual existence, and beyond that something which we cannot describe in language - Being as Such."

-from Swami Krishnananda

July 26th should be the New Year

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 20:35:50 GMT

haha

Remember when I said the New Year should start in summer? It does in the Mayan 13 Moon Calender. So basically I'm getting one and living by that. Screw all you Gregorian Calenderites and your New Years in Januarys (though I'll still participate in your parties.)

It actually is more accurate. And even though they may have a slight cult following (http://www.13moon.com/time-is-art.htm) their message is great, and the mathematics behind it more aligns with our body rhythms, for whatever that's worth. Plus it looks cooler.

Quotes found today that I like.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 18:48:09 GMT

At times our own light goes out
and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have
lighted the flame within us
-- Albert Schweitzer --

Education is not about getting a job to make money. It is about enriching the soul.

In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments. There are consequences.
R. G. Ingersoll

Happiness is the uninterrupted pursuit of curiosity.
Andrew Goldenkranz

We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.
Anne Frank

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest.
Henry David Thoreau

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Religions are many and diverse, but reason and goodness are one.
Elbert Hubbard

Do not waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I went all Trekkie today!

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 07:39:40 GMT

I'm in Vegas for the Christmas holiday with my family. Today we went to the Hilton to see that Trekkie mecca they have there, and now I have a bottle of Romulan Ale. Tasty? The Star Trek exhibit / interactive show was pretty funny. I couldn't help but laugh at how fun the employees were having with their semi-sarcastic semi-hilarious role-playing. And I now know what it feels like to be assimilated into the Borg consciousness. It kind of stings.

Anyhow, I'll be back home for New Years, with no set plans. My family always does their own thing, and I'm usually left with a days notice to find something fun to do. Eesh. I hope I can meet up with my good friend Kameko who I haven't seen for a while. She bought me a plant! I told her how much I love taking care of plants and watching them grow, even though I've only ever took care of one plant, for one weekend. It was cute, for lack of a better word, to watch it slump when I didn't put it close enough to the light, then perk up the next day after I put it closer. It's alive! Since my kitty must stay at home, I will take care of a plant, because fuck fish.

Recently my thoughts have really come together in a blissful way. I feel amazing, all the time. Life is good.

3 / Korey / Enlightenment

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 21:13:02 GMT

I reached enlightenment yesterday. Today feels more refreshing than it has felt for years. Just wow. I said hello to Jah, haha.

AHHH! I can't describe this completely elated feeling I have within me right now. It's the after-glow. Last night everything came together in the most beautiful way. It was as if all of life was understood to me in a few moments. It was beyond words, and I think beyond my own perception. Today I feel fantastic, though. That was so intense, it was almost scary. But the more scary, the better I feel and am now. Maybe there is a strange connection between englightenment and suffering, but suffering as the deep and intense physical and mental body change associated with an enlightened state, and not the typical way we see suffering. Suffering is all relative, so Buddha must have been talking about something else. It's funny, really, how the more I explore into my own spirituality and philosophy about life and religion, I often find I agree with the Avatars (Buddha, Krishna, Christ) for different reasons than most people. They were all saying the same thing, but for different people, with different paths to enlightenment.