I was contemplating things and in a bad mood in general, chewing over old terrible times. You know, not exactly the best thing to do, but I had a certain emotional rock that was sitting in my digestion for a while. On this particular day that rock was hitting me harder. I was ANGRY, even! Which is bizarre. That's the first time in at least five months I've felt such a feeling for so long. How taxing!
After sitting for a few minutes I left the roof garden I was contemplating at and walked through this outdoor mall downtown. At this point, all my negativity made me utterly sick. I was sick of being sick with it. This must have compounded my negativity, or transformed my feeling in some way. I was hit with a huge and sudden nauseous impulse. My body (perhaps influenced by my mind) completely rejected this negativity I was willing on myself.
I could hardly walk it was so dehibilitating. I started to sweat, and got really cold. I stumbled over to the bathroom, which was up a flight of stairs, and just collapsed and threw up in their toilet for a few minutes. It was one of those completely gut-wrenching times. I couldn't even believe it! I wasn't even sick, or anything like that. I hadn't even eaten anything (it was mid-morning).
Afterwards, I felt completely fine. My blood temperature became normal after a few minutes and my head returned to normal :P In fact, better. There was this voice inside my head (no I'm not crazy, it was my voice!) telling me, rather dictating to me how I am, and what's what. Among "what was what" was a deep forgiveness and understanding. An 'awareness' that seems so obvious, but I had been clouding myself from. It just wiped away the clouds covering itself, and now it's so clear it hurts!
I think I threw up my rock and took a huge breath of fresh air. And it feels great.